Review… review… got to write a review of The Draft House…

There was a poster of The Hulk in the entrance… ? It had thin tables and glasses hanging upside down above the bar. Quite busy?

Is that 500 words?

Bollocks.

In absence of anything constructive to write, I am going to give you some snippets from their menu and allow you to draw your own conclusions…

“Hand cut, twice cooked chips… served in a bucket…”

Haven’t you got any sodding plates!?

“Vietnam Salad – Inspired by Jane Fonda’s visit to North Vietnam in 1968…”

Annoying, as I was thinking of creating an omelette inspired by her 2002 trip to the West Bank.

“8oz Burger with Crushed Bird’s Eye Chillis, Old Amsterdam Cheese & Integral Onion Rings…”

Integral onion rings? What’s next – coincidental mashed potato, intrinsic carrots, accidental sprouts!?

“In December we give (sic) our famous Mac ‘n’ Cheese a lift with the addition of an almost homeopathic quantity of truffle oil…”

There are no words.

This vein is continued on the drinks menu when they claim that “the very best of beers need not cost the earth…” before listing in their “extreme bottles” section beers that are priced at an average of £6.74.

This little spot is gearing itself towards the modern beer connoisseurs – not your average Carling drinker, but someone that appreciates the finer things in life and would rather one or two bottles of interesting hoppy tastes, with oaky finishes and hints of berry, than five or six pints of hiccup-inducing swill.

It tries, and fails, to be the type of bar that you may find along the canals of Brugges. If you want that experience, my advice would be to go to Brugges. Failing that, The Cow is effortlessly closer to the authentic experience. Attempting to recreate a Belgian beer experience by going here would be akin to trying to replicate a skydive by jumping off the kerb whilst holding a flannel above your head.

I can’t write any more…