‘Windmilling’ is the alarming practice by which a young chap exposes his John Thomas to all and sundry and swirls said appendage around by means of a gyrating hip motion. Needless to say this behaviour is often fuelled by a few shandys and a fair amount of testosterone and accompanied by a soundtrack of animalistic screeches.

The Windmill is a pub in Clapham and not only do I implore you to not confuse the two but suggest that you never perform any ‘Windmilling’ in this happily classy establishment.

Unlike most pubs in London The Windmill has an abundance of space and its tastefully decorated interior is dotted with an array of large comfy sofas, rustic looking dining tables and a shelf dotted with ‘things’. It exudes a cosiness and familiarity which immediately puts you at ease; it’s the interior decoration version of a Richard Curtis film.

More excitingly there is some outside space somewhere green rather than grey; a welcome reminder that London hasn’t yet fully transformed into a concrete Orwellian dystopia. A healthy smattering of benches and barrels allow you to perch and enjoy your beer in some actual fresh air (I’m choosing to ignore the fact that I got bits of tree in my beer from the overhead foliage, I think it was a beech tree but I don’t know, I don’t do trees). It’s a tad frustrating that this beer garden doesn’t actually allow you to look over the common, being on the wrong side of the building, but that can’t be helped and they’ve made the best of the positioning available.

If you spend any significant amount of time here you’re probably going to notice via eyes or nose that there is a list from which you can choose food to eat; a menu for those of you who like fancy words. I’d strongly suggest making a point of dining here as the food is genuinely spectacular and considering Clapham is a bit posh it’s very well priced. Wash your grub down with a good glug of ale from one of the many on offer (Youngs Special worked well for me) and I think you’ll find yourself leaving a very happy customer ready to go and stroll around the common where I hear people are extremely friendly….