The Lamb Tavern EC3V 1LR (Tube: Bank/Liverpool Street)

There are times when wearing a tie is a prerequisite. Job interviews, probably funerals and weddings and graduation ceremonies. Some people have to wear them at work or for meetings with bank managers or accountants and such. Heck, I’m sure there was a spell in the mid 2000s where it was demanded of the front man of any pop-rock band (Greenday, Busted)…

If you ever arrive in a pub where a tie is a de facto requirement, then you turn on your heels and exit that establishment. Unfortunately for us, we were on a raid and had an obligation, nay, a duty, to have a pint and give this place our objective once-over.

So skulking like a pair of naughty school boys with our rather average pints (Doom Bar, Youngs or alcoholic lager beer) we observed the tie-clad clientele. City workers, bankers, toffs and ‘erberts.
Never have I seen so many wine cooling buckets!

The table we managed to find seats at was littered with spent pint glasses, but not the kind you or I would recognise. A spent pint glass should always be empty, save for a screwed up packet of hog lumps or a couple of ‘Pub Raider’ calling cards. But the ones here remained half full of some mysterious amber coloured solution. My rine or your rine perhaps; the result of some suit’s chortling prank? A discarded orange and barley soft drink? Alas, on closer inspection people were leaving loaded pint glasses left, right and centre – no mean feat at £4.00+ per pint. We could have got blottoed for free minesweeping city discards, and saved ourselves a small fortune.

To drink here requires two things. Appropriate neckwear, naturally. And enough money to engage in the upper class pastime of wasting pints – “Hey, Rupert. Rupert dude, man. I payed for a full one – you know Rupe, all the way to the top of this blady ahwful curved glarse. And I’m just going to drink it until it’s half way down… For the shits and giggles dude. Guffaw!”

If you’ve got these things then good for you, pop down. Just don’t try it at the weekend because it’ll be shut. Presumably they make enough during the week.

lamb tavern

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